10 days to the Commencement Day

There is no specific event that leads to this entry. Well, I have a lot going in my head, but sometimes you just spend no time thinking of them. I have always store this mind set in my head that whatever happens, good or bad, you can ask from Allah to help you, but you gotta make the move first.

BRAG LATER, WORK IT OUT FIRST

But anyways, there were times when I felt like 

AH CRAP I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THIS

But reality strucked and of course, gotta get the work down, raiteeeee? I dont know whether my friends always had to deal with my endless rant or did I not rant. Well I do rant, on twitter, to my roommate, to Ira but looks like someone has to dump that habit huh. Both of them will be leaving to other place so talk to the wall, ya fisha !

Well lets not get to the sad part yet. So what do I feel right now. Lonely? Nah, not yet lonely. That just does not hit me yet. Well, I already feel the heat, where you got nothing common to talk with yr friends but chill lah fisha hahahahaha. 

Hemaigad how can I adapt to the whole picture of me being a lone wolf thereeeee. I couldn't even stop chattering at my roommate now and then whooff no one to talk. Well, I hope that my roommate is also a talkative girl. I need company too, lol. 

Final is just around the corner and without me realizing, this marks my last days here and of course, among the last days for when I still can spend time with my squad. Right now nothing could guarantee that I will survive there alone. But there is also nothing that has been said to I cannot survive. 

I believe this is by John F. Kennedy, youngest president ever elected. Youngest, vibrant, ambitious. That was what Mr. Leong told us hahaha. I have been in worse situation. I cried, walls crumbled and mourned for quite a while. The thing is, after I have done all that, I spent no time bragging, weeping, wailing. Let the wall crumbles and bring in a stronger one. Right?

There goes a random motivational feed for tonight.
Have a good sleep, everybody.

WHAT THE F FISHA ?!

For the gazzillionth time, fisha. Please.

Couldnt believe I fell on that guy THAT hard until he deserved 2 posts. Move on lah wahai diri. So these past weeks have been so fking tough. No kidding. Im not changing it to freaking. I just, haihhhhh. Lemme give you a recap of how this November has started. First; 

NO SHAVE NOVEMBER ?

MORE LIKE NO CHILL NOVEMBER ?

NOW WEEP.

*after 10 minutes scrolling down my twitter*

Let me put it this way

Q1 of November ;

My baby brother was going to sit for his SPM. I wassss soooo emotional about not being able to teman him into the exam hall. I promised myself to be there at least once. But tbh he is just not into that kind of things. So when I was sure he wasnt effected pun, i moved on HAHA ! 

And it was my first time i unprivate my twitter account. So this happened.

And I welcomed those who were curious. I was curious, too, when i unprivate my account, who would notice? Some did notice, and even asked. But im sorry that I get annoyed when people ask. 

Kenapa buat twitter baru?

Saja

Yalah tu. Yaka.

*behave fisha behave*

I know I know. People were curious. But keep your nose OFF my business. Please understand that when somebody does not want to explain, you dont ask further. What, you will get killed with that curiosity, huh? I seriously considered each person that requested to follow. Promised myself to keep my circle small, so that's what I'm doing over here. 

My days have been normal so far. Still get pissed with bitches that asked stupid things in the group and tell jokes that not funny at all. And also people that I just dont know whether they cannot whatsapp the person personally. 

KENA KA TANYA KAT GROUP ?!! 

APA TAK RETI NAK WHATSAPP PRIVATE KA ?!!

HA MARAH MARAH

Haha okay dah. Kak Nadiah tu kerek sangat and orang utan tu pulak dok merepek. Siapa tak geram hish !! Tak annoyed pun dgn org yg update dgn akak tu kata dia dah email i-20, cumanya benda lain mcm university hang sangkut kat mana mana ka, private ah. Aduh memasal pulak 35 org lain dlm group tu nak membaca benda benda yang takdak kena mengena langsung dengan depa. DERHHH.

I was still in a midst of hardship about house-hunting. I was WORRIED SICK. Being a paranoia does not help. Not this time. Never will, maybe. Sigh. I was soooo super conscious about the What-if's questions. What if I could not find a roommate, what if I ended up alone. I think this time I was still considering staying in residence hall. Sampai mimpi pasal roommate lah kira.

Was preparing for History mid-term. And at the same time trying to sort these university thingssss out. My housemates ; yuni and imah posted in housemates group about *someone* that did not wash her dishes. Gross la. Perangai jenis nak suruh orang basuhkan pinggan. Dah besar kot. Nak manja, balik rumah ah. Sepak naya.

And 3rd Nov, no more fav button. Has been changed to HEART. No more stars :( (weeeeep). And I became aware of how many days we have left. Going alone is not easy, not at all ! Went out to the ADP entrance before History class and saw him walking in with that chinese girl. Heart just broke. Damnit fisha.

I was sooooo stressed that Mai gave me a sushi from Sushi King. Delivery waktu dah nak usrah hahahahaa sumpah sweeeet. Nangis. Housemates tak berapa rapat dengan dia, but other than orang yang aku memang tak suka and tak nak rapat, everyone can ngam with me. Belah ah cerita high school. Boleh pergi mampus.

Alin kept posting up the flash spoilers. I was sooooo mad that i decided to not to watch it anymore. It did me no good, but she does not get to annoy @ piss me off after this. Beotch.

Did some catch-up with Faz. It was so sweet of her to still remember me, I reckon. She was in Chicago. And remembered me !!!! I was soooo touched (even though we bickered afterwards hahaha). Nov 4, Ira belanja me nasi lemak for breakfast. This girl, I tell you, is full of surprises. Seriously. You think you know her and can predict? Nah, I never can predict her. Read her, I can. Guess about things, nah no thanks.

Hahahaa and then I was too lazy to go to class !! Pukul 10.15 baru mandi. Kelas pukul 11, bas pukul 10.40, memang gc lah jawabnya. History extended class (hergh). I survived, but penat nak mampus ! Nasib esoknya nak balik !!! I went to BirdmanCo with amy. Alin wanted to ikut during our previous plans. But I was too upset with her to ajak her out. I siap post kat twitter lagi tau !! Hahaha dont la. Dont make me hate you. You wouldnt want me to hate you.

Sabtu, went home. I thought we were late, kena tinggal dengan train. Padahal train delayed. Sepatutnya 4 ptg. Pastu, 4.45. Well done, Malaysia. Arrived at 11. I AM SO NOT GOING TO BOARD ANY INTER-CITY TRAIN AFTER THIS, MALAYSIA. Heard about Kak Syikin's losses. She lose both of her parents. Innalillah.

My mom bought another ubat for me. Costed her around 100++ No kidding I can buy few Skechers tahu tak with total of my medicine expenses. NOVEMBER 8. NOVEMBER 8. HURRICANE CAME. WE HAD A SITUATION. FCKED UP.

It was not a good way to start a day. Akak tu frantically cari wakil from our batch to talk to. Blergh. And her message was, 

"Korang ada dua option, fly August 2016, 

ataupun 

Januari 2016 (with risk).

Bullshit, is it not? Geram dia masya Allahhhh. Bersabar sangat sangat. I was sooooo sad and upest. What has just happened? Why this happens? Where was the wrong. 

HOW THE F WE ARE GONNA SOLVE THIS CRAP?

We decided that we must die die drag our parents into this. Even though none of us want to worry our parents. Sigh. Fizi said he will go with his parents. Thank God. (Now that things have passed for so long, the rage has gone, i guess)

So my days resumed like normal (it was nights when we start to worry thingss right?) So I did my statistics, and uh, teman my babygirl watch boboi boy hahahaha "AKU DENGAR SUARA KEKALAHANNNN" bengong hahahaha. Had reaaaaaaaally good food at home. Made choco banana smoothies for my adik. Mama bought popia basah and rojak cicah ( we call it rojak tonggek but i dont like that name hahahaha) My adik buat lawak harini hahaha !!! Oh, mom promised her a new phone. If she gets number 1 in the final exam. SHE GOT SECOND HAHAHA. Dad asked mom to buy anyways but nah, mom rules. Agreeement IS an agreement.

Fizi and his parents went to meet MARA, and alhamdulillah Tg Hamidi was so understanding. He asked us to write a surat rayuan (dalam bi apadia, appeal letter ka hahaha). So we did. Nak kena hantar harini gak kan. So I helped. 8 pages kot. Sorry bukan nak perasan but I was the main one yang tolong. Sorry not sorry sis so sassy. Amy buat stats, alin tertidoq, fizi masuk lambat, asraf banyak senyap ja. Enni aku rasa second most contribute hahaha. I give ssu a new name but im not gonna write it here hahahaha fisha nanti kalau baca, mohon ingat sendiri nama tu hahahahaha.

Q2 of November ;

Alhamdulillah allergic makin okay. *Banyak nya tweet pasrah! hahahaah!!* And Nov 12, I was heading back to Subang ady. Jammed plus delayed flight. Fking dissapointing, Firefly. I already unprefer you (suka hati la nak guna unprefer. I did not hate you, I just unprefer you!) Result rayuan keluar, alhamdulillah diluluskan. We are going there this Spring. Alhamdulillah. But still, we dont trust ssu. Sumpah. Aku tak. I came back to subang and my baby's song ; Dari ulat jadi kepompong stucked in my head hahaha.

Yuni was still busy with her toefl. Prayed the best for her. Asked her to pay attention in ibadah, mintak kat Allah betul betul. But I stop when she stopped listening. It does not work like that. Suit yourself. Ira went missing one night. Padahal tengah tidoq hahaha aduiiii. Sampai call Syahmi bagai. Malu woi. 14th Nov, found my crush's ex girlfriend (i rasa dah ex dah ahhaah). Screw that topic.

15th Nov, kalu siapkan research paper. Siap pukul 2. HAhahahhah nangis. Nov 17, we planned for secret santa. I did the tulis tulis nama hahaha. We were so shocked, ISIS attacked Paris and Lebanon. O' Allah, be on our side. I got Shila's. So, susah sebab taktahu nak beli apa but okay what, gamble semua benda hahaha. 

That night, things happened fast. First yuni and I were teasing each other and the next thing I know, she stormed off my room and Nadiah and I were mad af. Taknak dengar nasihat langsung. Memang dia sorang ja pernah ada masalah. Menyampah. "Korang takkan paham" Yes, let me tell you this, aint nobody got time to tell you that youre worth a thing, so that you can stop feeling insecure. YOU GOTTA TELL YOURSELF. Masalah -.-''

Received documents from kak nadiah. Lambat g kelas history. Kelas extended. Burn masa study gua. Esok Test II Stats huhu. Balik, pening and muntah. Irregular time makan, I reckon. Memang burnt ah waktu study malam tu. Stayed sampai pukul 2 kot weh !!! Hahaha mujur roommate sanggup dengar ranting aku recap semua benda dengan lajunya.

1.645, 1.96, 2,33, 2.575.

Kalau lupa ni, mmg bertuah ah hahahaha.Obama came to Taylor's Lakeside for ASEAN Conference benda tah hahahaha. Menyibuk ja nak suruh kita accept TPPA. Insecure sampai dia bukan part ASEAN pun, nak join gak. BLERGHHH. I developed this feelings inside di mana I rasa mcm nak muntah everytime nampak chocolate. I am shocked of myself.

19th Nov, watched The Hunger Games : The Mockingjay Part 2. I read the whole 3 books. They were awesome and I was quite sad that it ended. Sigh. Went out with Amy Afiqa, but tak amek gambar langsung sebab semua stres cari hadiah. Ira got my name, sedih sikit ah sebab teringat reaksi dia waktu cabut nama tu. But anyways.

BBQ that night ended perfectly. We had Alif for MC. I will blog about this later kot, jari dah kebas. Hope that my days would be normal again, Everything happened so fast that I did not notice pun we're approaching the end of November. 

Adiossss..

Why would'nt you go away

I will get this done very quick. Because im in a middle of writing my history research paper. Kena hantar esok pulak tu ! Anyways, I perasan my latest post was on Nov 1st and that was a complete two weeks ago. 

AND I STILL CANNOT MOVE ON FROM YOU

Haih you ni memang giving me headache tau. Why I could not just move on? Like, it was a piece of cake kot nak move on daripada crush crush dulu. But hergh look at you. Its already nak habis semester and youre still in my head. This is crazy weh.

You had me from the start and I want it to end but you dont wanna get out of my head ! Or is it my head yg dont wanna get rid of you. Either way, haih, penat la fangirling over someone that you dont even know properly. 

Taktahu dia dah ada girlfriend ka tak, status cemana, course apa, tinggal mana. I literally know nothing about you. Pleaaaaaaaaseeee get out of my head fast. Cause its driving me crazy. *Suddenly insert semua lirik lagu*

I think I should talk to you at least once. If you baik then continue fangirling. If I memang super duper syok sendiri tahap langgar tiang, okay farewell kepada perasaan dan harapan. Hahaha. When it comes to feelings, cakap melayu lagi rasa sincere, direct daripada hati ecewahhh *padahal cecampur dah bahasa*

Okay this really is draggy. I gotta go ! Hope things will be clear as soon as possible !

Dear You,

This is about to get very nonsense, ridiculous, and everything weird combined. I did not know who you are, I did not know how you did that and I did not know why am I acting like this.

I think, I guess, that I am certain I like you. Whoever you are, everytime I saw you I get this nervous feeling that tingles around my stomach. It was twisted but in a good way. My face will automatically becomes concrete and of course my body feels like its frozen all over. 

Whatever that means, or supposed to mean, I am certain I like you. When does this started? First day of Fall? Maybe it was the first day I saw you. It was my very first time falling on someone so hard that I reaaaaallllyyyy turned my head around to look at you again.

Ah, yes, I know, everytime the semester ended, I will get over my crush for that semester. Hell, not even till the sem ends, I will be already over anyone I was crushing on. But not this time. (My crush did not even deserve a public confess, not even on twitter)

BUT LOOK AT YOU, YOU ARE HERE.

I have always noticed you, I have always craned my head to every inches of ADP, looking if you were there, where I was standing, so I can feel myself smiling, feeling great to have to meeting you, at least once, on that day.

You were always there, at 12 in the afternoon, waiting for your friends to have your lunch together. 

You were always there, before 2pm class, hanging out at the ADP entrance, engrossed with your phone. 

You were always there, after 3, when the class ends, walking out from ADP with your friends. 

This is my last semester, and I am pretty sure it is your first. And not only that, I only see you three days a week. Kalau bad luck tak jumpa langsung. Hahahahaha nangis ! Haih, is this the thing that they said so near yet so far. You are just so, so, decent, that no other words fits you better. But there was something that did not go unnoticed, you look so young. SO YOUNG that I thought you might be not more than 19yo. You look like youre 18 or something. (Look can be deceiving kan haish)

That was a real heartbreak, though, there is nothing real to break. ANYWAYS, I know and quite certain and hoping that this will pass. This feeling should be reallllyyyy temporary (like other crushes I have got over after a while). Am I being egoist haha tak kot, just want to keep everything at a Ive-Got-it-Under-Control length.

Whoever you are, I met you three times on this date, and that was among my happiest day this semester.

I was plotting gazzziillliioooonnnn plans on how to talk to you, but I'll just do things I have never done; sit at a corner, look at you and wonder how would it be to be yours. Sometimes things like this is fun. So I can keep you as a good memory. 

Dear whoever you are, if youre reading this, I hope that youre happy, even though with that happiness comes your smile, and it kills me.

(sigh, I could make a super duper sweet girlfriend, rugi takda boyfriend hahaha)
(no thats not a hint ke apa apa ke I just nak bagitahu as a matter of fact hahaha)
(ok bye)